The life of closeted people is never easy, especially when you know that nothing good will ever come out of living your life publicly. We’ve all had instances where living a double life can have a toll on us, so here’s a piece of hope we want to share with you. 

The daily acts of survival 

Trying to live according to your family’s expectations, especially when topics of dating and marriage arise, like when they randomly ask you why you’re not dating, and the only excuse you can think of is saying that school/work is too much to handle, and that’s why you don’t have time for dating. Which, if you ask me, is usually the safest way out of these types of conversations, unlike saying ‘I just don’t want to be with anyone’ which weirdly always raises more questions and superstitions. 

Having to have a separate account for your public and private lives sounds like an easy feat until you start confusing them, especially if you’re the type of person who’s very active on social media. Like I once posted a meme on my private account thinking it was my public account, thankfully it wasn’t the other way around, but I did get a lot of DMs from my friends having very concerning questions for me. 

Having to avoid family meetings, weddings or any other event simply because you know they always end up being a mixer, especially if you have a meddling family that acts concerned with how ‘lonely’ you are, like I do, then you know how it starts becoming suspicious if you constantly say no to everyone they set you up with.  

Create your own safety  

Sometimes you get so immersed in your private life, the family, friends and life that you’ve built for yourself that you start to crave wanting to live like that forever, and code switching is no longer an option. Here are a few suggestions on what you might opt to do if you’ve made that decision.  

• Slowly start to drift away, minimize the family visits back home or if you live at home, you can opt to seclude yourself e. g. Staying longer away from home with the excuse of school hours or working overtime (like I used to do), minimize the conversations you have with them, like when I stopped having dinner with my family, claiming that I started dieting, but really, I was eating in my room watching movies or simply claim that you’ve had a long day and you just want to rest.  

• Have a solid alibi, I for one, had one friend that my family knew about, and I used her way more times than I could count to the point where anytime I left they just assumed that I was with her, but just a quick tip, if you choose this then it’s just curtesy to alert said friend that you used their name as a ticket out of the house, what you claimed you guys were going, and what time you’d get back home, otherwise it might come back to bite you, I’m speaking from personal experience here.  

• Lastly, no matter how long it takes, try to strive for financial independence cause for some of us, coming out is simply not an option, and let’s be honest, this is the safest long-term solution out there. It will reduce the emotional and psychological toll that living a double life has on you. 

Living a life of constant change is challenging, yet many of us experience it. Never give up—there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And as Whistles of Venice, we are here whenever you need us.

By Venice.